explaining yesterday

Just wanted to give an update on the issues from yesterday. If you don’t know, my dad  has been a non-present entity for most of my life, the times that he was there he didn’t generate very many good memories–what with his alcoholism, physical/mental abuse, and drug abuse. He likes his pills…lots of of em too. My whole family on his side is pretty well on this crap or has been at some time. I used to call it my family curse…but now i just think its lack of will power and education…

anyway, a while back we had him commited to a nursing home, you cant care for an abusive drunkard that takes all of his monthly meds within a week of filling the perscription…I can’t anyway, and i sure as hell won’t-especially for a father like him. So he stayed at that nursing home, about 2 minutes from my house, for about 2 weeks….he started claiming they were trying to kill him because he couldnt get high—so i removed him after he promised he wouldnt do it again—he was ok for about a week. I also told him it was his last chance with me, I wasn’t gonna do it again.

So when I went on my vacation to Pigeon Forge I got a call…i ignored it and my sister got him put in a different nursing home…this was about 4 months ago–he has been there since then. Yesterday the nursing home called me and told me that he had come home drunk after being with his sister for the weekend (a bad idea, she shouldn’t have been allowed to take him in the first place) and was being violent with the staff. So i called my sister, told her to handle it, i was done with him. So she never called me back after the last time i spoke with her, i have a feeling she doesn’t want to deal with it either…my hands are washed of him entirely.

Does that sound crude or mean? Heartless? hell yes, get over it. If you think it is…i can hook you up with a live in A$$hole that would LOVE to ruin your life.

and still

i feel guilty.

  • Can’t say I blame you for your stance. Sounds like a nightmare situation. 🙁


  • John

    Just goes to show you that you are human, if you didn’t feel guilty you should be worried. Some times you just have to make the break and hope that they straighten things out on their own and come back… Or not.

  • Of course you feel guilty, but the fact of the matter is: you can’t help someone who won’t even help themselves.

  • Matt

    i feel guilty for being so cold hearted…but this man has been worthless my entire life…he can be a nice guy, when he is sober…but thats pretty rare…even so, he chose that stuff over me LOOONG before now…

    thanks for the comments guys…i need the encouragement

  • Of course you feel guilty. It’s because you wish you had a real father, one that you would feel responsible for. But this man, the pill popping drunk, he’s not a real father and doesn’t deserve your respect. I hope you can find it within yourself to let this all go and truely wash your hands of him, guilt free.

  • Matt

    thanks frigga, thats what I am trying to do

  • Drop him like there is no tomorrow. No regrets. You are in the right on this, Matt.

  • Dude…you went to Pigeon Forge…That is like 2 1/2 hours away from me. I love to go there.

    Anyhow, I know this was off topic, but you know I’m prayin for ya, and if you have had enough, there would be nothing wrong with the “washing your hands approach” I’d say as long as you told him why and left the door open for him to come back if he ever wises up!!!


  • Your guilt just means you’re a good child and care for him, at the same time you just want to be rid of him.

    My dad is a junkie too, and while I’ve not completely washed my hands of him yet its very easy to understand why someone would.

  • Mike

    Family ties are strong – even though the damage we seem to do to each other is truly inexplicable. I’m sorry Matt – I know what it is like to live with an addict, and you have my utmost sympathy.

    My Father and Mother-in-law recently both passed – and knowing my wife’s background with them, and the brutality that her dad brought to her life – I can’t explain it, but she really misses him. Its strange – but has given me some interesting insights into the human condition. She visits his grave 2/3 times a week. She attributes most of her own insane (sorry for such strong language for those of you who may be a bit sensitive) behavior to the experiences she had growing up with him – I hope that you find the strength to get through this with him…

    I doubt much will change, but you have my thoughts and prayers man… MM

  • Virginia (ConqueredbyLove)

    I am so saddened you endured abuse from your father, Matt. I did also. I am just now, facing the reality of growing up with a father that, not only was not there for me, but hated me at times, rejected me and abused me.

    The damage he caused is immeasurable. The hurt he caused has effected every aspect of my life and has been used to put me in prison after prison of pain, near hopelessness and despair.

    I want to be free, finally of this prison. Don’t you, also?

  • Matt


    Thank you for the response, thank you for visiting my site to give me the opportunity to be —understood i guess…I dont want you to think that I am out to hurt anyone–i would never do that.

    and Virginia, I am not saying this is possible for all cases of abuse, in my own case, because i never had any closeness with my own father, that I am free because I decide to be free. I washed my hands of him now and I will never allow him to hurt me again-at least not by my own volition.

    I can’t begin to know what you may have endured, but I want you to know that the clients i once helped in my own ministry witnessed and endured abuse that most people would never even begin to fathom–Pain like that can’t just be forgotten, one cant simply move on from blow after blow, rape after rape, and abuse after abuse. If you have experienced anything like that, I may be able to help you find a minister or counselor to assist you through healing those wounds.

    you have my email

  • Virginia (ConqueredbyLove)

    Well, gosh…You certainly know how to make a lady

    God’s goodness can come from places you least expect, huh?

    Thank you, so very much. I may just take you up on your offer because I am having a desperate struggle to get past the blow after blow, the abuse after abuse, the rejection after rejection.

    I do so try to understand. I know people hurt so much sometimes and I sincerely wish to understand why they left…what hurt caused them to. I get such a longing in my heart to understand the deep agony of other’s hearts because I have been through so much myself and, in so many cases, I know….the pain.

    I was just a little frightened